Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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