the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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