Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She just used a chaser for red wine.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
