you would pick up someone in the library
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
