It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
