Yo dont text me then not text me
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
