He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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