The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
