..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I could fuck to npr.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
