But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You did what with his pubic hair?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
