I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
