my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
