How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
