okay pat passed out under dana's car
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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