You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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