so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
