bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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