Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
cat food counts as protein by the way
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
