I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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