I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
