sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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