His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
