wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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