we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
