...so i touched it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
