i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
