I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
