2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
are you so shy because you have an std?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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