So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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