just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
