Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
