Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
We need to rekindle our bromance
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
