I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Randomize
