Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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