I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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