i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
