Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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