Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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