so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
