...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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