the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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