My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
