and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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