I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
