Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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