so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
