Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
