We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
