I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
