I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
