Do you still have your period?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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