Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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