I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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