he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
