Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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