If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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